Sunday, October 3, 2004

The future

Hello, Beautiful People!

How are you all? I do pray you are well and happy!

After a particularly troublesome day recently I caught myself thinking about the future. Not always a good idea, is it?

My husband Arf is now 65-years-old and in good health. But now that he has a pension the Government has stopped our allowances, like free council tax, free dental treatment and free eye tests - all of which affect both of us! The British Government sets a minimum income which they say you can live on. We now are just over the line, but we've had a couple of good years when I've had Arf at home and life has been OK!

I started to think about what would happen to me (selfish, I know!) should anything happen to Arf.

I can't look after myself and do all the chores, etc. I have no family of my own close by, so I guesss I would have to go into a home! Now that thought scared the living daylights out of me! I'm 56-years-old and don't regard myself as old, but the picture you always get of a 'care home', rightly or wrongly, is of everyone just sitting, staring into space.

And then there is the personal side of things... Arf helps me at times during the day and in the night. The thought of a stranger doing the same thing made me cry!

Life without Arf would be like the sun never shining! I'm sure you sometimes think along these lines, but I can't get the idea out of my head! Is this what the future holds for me? Then Arf walked into the room and gave me a cuddle!

He said that the future will take care of itself and today matters more than yesterday or tomorrow! He said that he's "not going anywhere" and proceeded to show me the 'tummy wobble' he'd seen on TV on a programme about the nationwide obesity problem! He was dressed in his shorts which left a lot to be desired. I couldn't help but burst into laughter! The more he did it, the more I laughed until I begged him to stop before I had an 'accident'!

This is life, here and now. Not every day is wonderful, but I'm determined to make the most of the time with Arf because he is so special! Scary thoughts still enter my head but I go off and do something or find Arf and have a hug!

If you are upset by thoughts of the days ahead - let me hug you here and now because every hour counts! I haven't told this to friends because they might not understand, but I know you will! God bless! Sandie. xxx